A Day on the Mountain.
I bowed my head and
kept walking. When the sound in my ears became deafening, I stopped
and leaned against a tree so as not to fall back down the steep
mountain. When the sound of beating drums softened like they were
moving further away from me, I started walking again. I took a second
to glance back the way I'd come. It was nearly straight up. The walk
was treacherous, but it seemed like such a good idea when I began.
It was another one
of those things I felt I must do to cleanse my soul so I could go on
to next part of my life. The part after marriage. Is a marriage
lasting twenty-five years, before it breaks up, considered a failure.
I felt it was. I had mothered two wonderful girls, raised them and
got them through college before I left. The drums were getting closer
again now. The sound so rhythmic and loud I felt it was going to take
over my body and brain. Again I stopped. And again after several
minutes of leaning on the nearest tree, it was gone. Whatever was
following me was unnerving, yet I wasn't afraid of it. My goal had
been to write down all of the good and bad of my marriage and then
climb to the top of a glacier pack in the Black Hills and bury it.
Cathartic I thought.
For months before
the trip I walked mile after mile up and down hills, but nothing
prepared me for the high altitude of the mountains. I was making my
way slowly up Lover's Loop, a five mile path to the top of the
mountain and back. The day before I had walked a different walk and
felt like I was in a New York subway
because of all of the people I met on the way. Today I picked a more
treacherous route hoping not to be in such a crowd. I had been
walking for four hours and no one passed me nor did I hear anything
but those drums.
So my dilemma was
both good and bad. I was going to be alone to sit at the top of the
glacier and read my story, and find a place to bury it for eternity.
Yet the downside was if there was anything of danger up on the
mountain, I was destined to meet it by myself.
I learned early in
my walk that the air was thin and I would have to keep my head down
to keep from becoming dizzy from the exertion of the climb. Every
twenty or thirty feet was a huge pine tree. I was able to go from
tree to tree to rest. As I rested I would look up and plot my course
to the next tree so I could rest again. I was not yet fifty, but the
thinner the air became, the older I felt.
After doing the
drum, no drum thing for over an hour I realized it was my own heart
beating in my ears. I should have been amused at my own deceit, yet
now that I knew, I stopped at every tree to give myself the rest I
needed.
So here I am,
trudging up the mountain side hour after hour with my head down when
I run into a tree. Oh my goodness, it wasn't a tree, it was a
massive two thousand pound buffalo. He was grazing in the tree line
and I hadn't seen him. I tried not to panic as I scampered back down
two trees and hid behind one. Peeking around the tree, I looked at
him to see how mad he was I had run into him, but he was still
grazing as though he didn't know I was there. Because of his massive
size, I was probably a mere gnat to him.
I stayed in my
hiding place behind the study pine and watched him as he leisurely
ate , making his way further and further toward the other side of the
glacier until I felt safe enough to go on with my plans.
All in all, the
walk up the mountain took six hours. I read my history once more and
took my camping shovel out of my pack. I couldn't make a deep hole
in the rocky soil, so I buried my story under a big pile of pine
needles and rocks. After making the area look as natural as I could,
I went on feeling lighter and happier than I had in years.
The trip down the
mountain took less than and hour and I was forced to walk from side
to side and tree to tree to keep from sliding down on my backside.
When I got there, my friends were waiting to tell about their
adventures and I felt I would never be able to admit I thought my own
heart beat was made by drums or that I ran smack into the side of a
buffalo. But I did tell my story and we all laughed at each others
adventures.
It ended up to be quite a vacation, in
more ways than one.
What a fantastic story. Very moving. It's really got me thinking about my own divorce and how I coped with the grieving process.
ReplyDeleteAmazing how writing it all down let me remember it wasn't all bad. Especially when I look at my two wonderful kids ( now adults).
ReplyDeleteWhat a powerful piece, Susan. You're very good with essay writing. Maybe you should submit to the Chicken Soup or Cup of Comfort series.
ReplyDeleteI too wrote a lot of essays about my divorce. It's therapeutic. Well done. And I hope I never run into a buffalo!
I'm just glad you made it back down!
ReplyDeleteI've hiked one of those trails. It isn't easy, but I wasn't alone. You were very brave for tackling that journey, and the journey of your new future.
ReplyDeleteBrenda
Wonderful story, Susan. I'd love to escape from cubical land and get into the outdoors every now and then myself.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great story Susan. You made a brave journey to end one and begin another. Bravo! Warm wishes Susan.
ReplyDeleteWhat great symbolism and therapeutic journey to bury one's past and start over. Especially the buffalo. Great job!
ReplyDelete