A Day on the Mountain

A Day on the Mountain.

I bowed my head and kept walking. When the sound in my ears became deafening, I stopped and leaned against a tree so as not to fall back down the steep mountain. When the sound of beating drums softened like they were moving further away from me, I started walking again. I took a second to glance back the way I'd come. It was nearly straight up. The walk was treacherous, but it seemed like such a good idea when I began.

It was another one of those things I felt I must do to cleanse my soul so I could go on to next part of my life. The part after marriage. Is a marriage lasting twenty-five years, before it breaks up, considered a failure. I felt it was. I had mothered two wonderful girls, raised them and got them through college before I left. The drums were getting closer again now. The sound so rhythmic and loud I felt it was going to take over my body and brain. Again I stopped. And again after several minutes of leaning on the nearest tree, it was gone. Whatever was following me was unnerving, yet I wasn't afraid of it. My goal had been to write down all of the good and bad of my marriage and then climb to the top of a glacier pack in the Black Hills and bury it. Cathartic I thought.

For months before the trip I walked mile after mile up and down hills, but nothing prepared me for the high altitude of the mountains. I was making my way slowly up Lover's Loop, a five mile path to the top of the mountain and back. The day before I had walked a different walk and felt like I was in a New York subway because of all of the people I met on the way. Today I picked a more treacherous route hoping not to be in such a crowd. I had been walking for four hours and no one passed me nor did I hear anything but those drums.

So my dilemma was both good and bad. I was going to be alone to sit at the top of the glacier and read my story, and find a place to bury it for eternity. Yet the downside was if there was anything of danger up on the mountain, I was destined to meet it by myself.

I learned early in my walk that the air was thin and I would have to keep my head down to keep from becoming dizzy from the exertion of the climb. Every twenty or thirty feet was a huge pine tree. I was able to go from tree to tree to rest. As I rested I would look up and plot my course to the next tree so I could rest again. I was not yet fifty, but the thinner the air became, the older I felt.

After doing the drum, no drum thing for over an hour I realized it was my own heart beating in my ears. I should have been amused at my own deceit, yet now that I knew, I stopped at every tree to give myself the rest I needed.

So here I am, trudging up the mountain side hour after hour with my head down when I run into a tree. Oh my goodness, it wasn't a tree, it was a massive two thousand pound buffalo. He was grazing in the tree line and I hadn't seen him. I tried not to panic as I scampered back down two trees and hid behind one. Peeking around the tree, I looked at him to see how mad he was I had run into him, but he was still grazing as though he didn't know I was there. Because of his massive size, I was probably a mere gnat to him.

I stayed in my hiding place behind the study pine and watched him as he leisurely ate , making his way further and further toward the other side of the glacier until I felt safe enough to go on with my plans.

All in all, the walk up the mountain took six hours. I read my history once more and took my camping shovel out of my pack. I couldn't make a deep hole in the rocky soil, so I buried my story under a big pile of pine needles and rocks. After making the area look as natural as I could, I went on feeling lighter and happier than I had in years.

The trip down the mountain took less than and hour and I was forced to walk from side to side and tree to tree to keep from sliding down on my backside. When I got there, my friends were waiting to tell about their adventures and I felt I would never be able to admit I thought my own heart beat was made by drums or that I ran smack into the side of a buffalo. But I did tell my story and we all laughed at each others adventures.

It ended up to be quite a vacation, in more ways than one.

A Tiny View of Socrates

Socrates would have been lost in our world and most likely cast aside as a nut job.  He was dirty, barefoot, and ugly.  It was his habit to walk around the streets of the Athens marketplace and ask the people he met a series of questions aimed at examining their lives.  

Most people do not take kindly to someone, anyone, especially a filthy, ugly, and  unkempt man, who interrupts their day to search their thinking. It was the life of Socrates.

To make matters worse,  Socrates didn't  write anything down.  All we know about his life and times we read from his students, the most famous being Plato.  Socrates wanted to know what and why people were what they were.  Did their belief follow the rules of common sense.  In other words if a married man was happy did it mean all married men were happy.  Common sense says no.  So if Socrates could find an exception to a statement he considered it false. He would consider finding more exceptions to a statement until it was found to be completely false.

I would imagine it was annoying at best.  Socrates was trying to get everyone he met to think outside the box, to be a self confident thinker and not to follow the crowd.  People were likened to sheep who always followed the leader and were horribly afraid to get out of the herd.  People are especially prone to follow those they deem successful or rich.  He found out , however, the people who were famous or rich, more likely than not did not understand or know why they had become rich or successful. Most thought they were just lucky.   

Socrates thought anyone and everyone should think.  Thinking should not be left to the folks with higher educational degrees.  It does not necessary make them  better thinkers- a horrible misconception.

If I make a statement, and say Bill Clinton, makes a conflicting statement, the most famous will be taken as correct.  Although, Bill might not know anything about the subject.  Human nature, I guess.  Education and fame trumps  relative unknown author and speaker.  Hum. Socrates was not a fan of democracy for this reason. Majority rules and focus groups that guides us today would have unnerved him.  He was a great fan of logical and reasonable thought.  Those two things are not necessarily present in our modern day decisions.

Socrates is best known for saying "I know that I know nothing."  The  Oracle of Delphi said he was the wisest man alive at the time.

The "I know that I know nothing." quote follows a basic philosophy many of we life time learners.Yet we put it another way.  "The more I know, the more I realize I don't know."  Those of us who read and study to write books and articles realize what we know is the tip of the iceberg.

Socrates was eventually tried and put to death for corrupting the youth of Athens and ignoring the gods .

He was forced to drink hemlock and died, what I am sure was a nasty death.

What he taught us rings true today.  An un-examined life is a wasted one.   It is worth it to know what you really believe and to not follow the crowd.   It will open a new chapter in you life.  Colors will appear brighter and the journey more meaningful and joy full.   I don't think hemlock is as readily available as it was back then, so grab a book you have always wanted to read but were afraid people would make fun of.

Someone once asked me what I was reading.  My daughter was there and said " Mom reads weird books."

I thought it a great compliment.

Have a great day.

My Typical Day as a Writer

I love to write.  I love when a character  takes over my mind.  I sit for hours with my fingers tapping out the words he says through me. I know if he would order scotch or beer at the local pub, his favorite meal and his taste in women. It's a great life.  It is however, a sedentary job.

It is easy to get up at seven, get a cup of coffee, and write non stop until noon.  When I try to stand, my legs are stiff, I am still in my jammies, and I have hairy teeth.  So, I turned over a new leaf.   After my morning writing session, I head for the gym.  I walk forty minutes and left weights.  It accomplished several things.  My mind is sharper, I get my Food Channel fix, while I am on the treadmill, and I am forced to shower and get dressed to go out in public.

On my way to the gym, I find myself smiling.  Actually, grinning at the things I pass.  About a mile down my lane I am forced to stop for a flock of guinea fowl who know the road has the best gravel.  They like the hubcaps on my car and attack them regularly.  Once I get through them, I meet my neighbor's chickens.  They run when the see me coming.  Problem is, they run in every direction.  If I want eggs for breakfast, I must stop and let them settle so I can go on.   All of this and I am not yet on a main road.

Everyday I go two miles out in the country and pick up a neighbor whose car and son are away at college.

On my way, I stop for a coon hound who lays right smack in the center of the road.  I don't care what time of day or how hot or cold the pavement, the dog is there.  On my left a little further down the  cows are calving.  I count the progress every day.  This week they have three new ones.

It is pretty calm to the gym and then I face the same obstacles on my way home.

Today, when I got here, I became the proud caretaker of twin lambs.  They are so cute and their pictures are below.  These happen to be girls I named Curry and Cumin.  If they are boys I name them lamb chop.It is their destiny.

Once we are done lambing, we will start calving.  This is all done because we don't want to eat grocery store meat.  Well, I had better get back to the great American novel. It isn't going to write itself.

Starry Starry Night

Starry Starry Night

Last night I stepped out onto the back porch to get a couple of sticks of firewood.  It was cold, clear, crisp and still.   I do not live in a quiet world.  This farm is 100 acres.  It is big to me, but not big in the scheme of things.  It is never quiet here.  There is always a dog barking in the distance, a cow bellowing a forlorn cry in a field or a night creature stalking prey.

Dressed only in my PJ's and slippers, I leaned against the railing and  looked up at the milky way.  I had a new feeling.  It wasn't that I was looking up at the stars, but I was standing on the edge of the world from my own star, looking at my neighbors.

Several thoughts came to me in the quiet. " Be still and know that I am God." ,"if it isn't right, kind, or necessary, don't say it."," if you are not listening, you are not learning.", and "quiet is wisdom."

The sheer bitter cold forced me back in the house.  It was only fourteen degrees when I was standing there.  For the first time since I was a kid, I didn't feel the cold because of the excitement I felt while standing in the stars and listening for a sound- any sound in the night.

I thought about putting on my coat and going back out yet I knew this was a once in a lifetime moment.  A moment when I was one with the earth and the sky.  I felt it was a moment I could not duplicate or extend.   Today I am calmer and will try to make the best of every moment, knowing there will never be another moment like this one.  There will not be another day like today.  Enjoy.  It is why we are here. Take time to  celebrate the smallest moment that makes you smile.  

s

Motivation

There was a time when I didn't get the concept that motivation comes after the fact.
In other words, you must force yourself to do a chore the first time and then the, feeling of success you get gives you the motivation to do it again.

I proved it to myself again this morning.  Being obsessed with getting my book Tattered Wings published, I find myself sitting hour after hour.  I read it.  I reread it.  I make changes.  Then I send out query letters and pages to prospective agents. When I look up at the clock it is noon.  My pj's are still on and I have downed a pot of coffee.

The result of this daily behavior is stress and sore muscles.  This morning I changed my routine.  I got up, did the minimum chores I could ( no easy task on a 100 acre farm) and headed to the gym. Twenty minutes on the treadmill, ten minutes on the StairMaster and a variety of arm weights, helped melt the tension away.

Now, I find myself looking forward to going to the gym tomorrow.  When I sit five hours working on my novel,  I can smile. I did accomplish something for my health today.  Tomorrow I will work on leg machines and increase my times on the tread mill and Stair Master( I didn't want to throw my body into shock on the first day).

Do something today for yourself.  Sure, I am writing my book for me as much as anything (actually it is to get rid of those voices in my head).  But, I am not doing it as the expense of my health.
Next I am going to tackle my ice cream obsession.

Nervous. Who, me?

Yesterday morning I got up as usual and followed my normal routine.  Put my best friend Diggitty, a mini daschund, outside to do her morning ritual, turned on the coffee pot and sat down to see what happened in the world overnight.
It struck me how incredibly nervous I have been the last few days.  I really can't put my finger on the immediate source.  We all have drama.  Children to worry about (no matter how old they are).  A million things to do for the upcoming Holiday Season. It goes on and on.  Nothing has changed, so why am I  so nervous?
Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
While I wait for Diggitty to come back in and the coffee to brew, I am thinking of the five hundred things I need to do.  
While I am in the shower I am thinking about what I will wear. When I am getting dressed I am thinking about feeding the cats and dogs and whether there is enough pet food to get through the week.  While I am feeding the animals, I am wondering if their water is okay or if the greenhouse needs to be watered.  While I am putting out fresh water and cleaning the litter box, I am thinking about what to eat for breakfast.
Let me tell you folks.  It is not yet nine o'clock and I am exhausted.
I sat down and tried to think of when I am the calmest. It is when I am either reading or writing.  Why?  Because you can't read and think about anything else and you can not write and think about anything else.
Ah, a clue.
There have been many books written about staying in the now.  They are good advice but I didn't heed them until this morning.  
Today, I got up, slipped on my bedroom slippers and made it a point to notice how comfortable they made my feet feel.  I carried by little friend to the back door and on the way I flipped the switch on the coffee.  Instead of obsessing about the events of last night, I stood at the back door and observed the dog as she did her walk about.  I kept my mind on her and what she liked to do.
Got my coffee and sat down at the computer.  I have two books going.  They are both good but one is lighthearted and one serious.  I enjoy writing one more than the other, yet I have so much time invested, I will finish both. But I digress.  While I was checking out facebook I made it a point to see my friends as they are.  Really pay attention to what they think was important enough to post.  Had to laugh.  Most facebook postings are frivolousness. 
When I took my shower, I took time to feel the water flow down my body.  I felt the shampoo lather in my hair and the sensation of the shower gloves on my body.  Okay. Maybe I sound a little crazy.    Yet  it is now nine o'clock again and I am going to try this for the entire day.  Maybe again tomorrow.  No phone while driving, no book while eating.  Just a day of paying attention.  
Will it help?  I will let you know.  I can say I am not as exhausted as I was this time yesterday.  And everyone else around here seems calmer also.  Humm.